Dear Philadelphia Eagles and Michael Vick,
You deserve each other. I hope your plane crashes
Sincerely,
The C-Section Staff

P.S. I’m sick of people saying what a great guy Steve McNair was. If he was really such a great guy he wouldn’t have cheated on his wife with a crazy chick. He wouldn’t have been shot by the aforementioned crazy mistress. His kids would still have a father. You got what was coming, it’s too bad your family has to pay the price though.

Spreading democracy forcibly becaust its not about choice it’s about doing what’s right
It’s about doing what’s right wing, it’s God’s will
Hypocrisy
We’re a mockery, the world police when it benefits capital us
And you can trust you wont find us in africa cause they’re not like us…
And we have enough diamonds

The first ever recepients of people I’m proud of are the entirety of EA.

EA, once the evil empire of videogames. They churn out sports games every year with some minor additions and changes, an innovation every few years. These games sell incredibly well even though you can just update rosters and shit nowadays. However they don’t just sit on their asses and milk the Madden franchise as they used to. They now take that profit and use it to fuel new IPs and great ideas.

The last wave was Dead Space and Mirror’s Edge. Dead Space was a great game that unfortunately undersold. Although it become more of a butcher shop than a suspense thriller towards the end of the game it took steps to revolutionize the horror survival genre (you can move and shoot! Holy shit!)
Mirror’s Edge the demo was great, The game missed the mark. Beautiful rooftops with open running turned into dark sewers and stuffy office buildings. Also it was like 6 hours long. But it was a valiant effort.

The next wave: The Saboteur and Dante’s Inferno.

The Saboteur – An irishman in Paris fighting Nazis. This sounds more like one of my wet dreams and less like something you would expect from EA. The game is apparently artsy and starts with very little color, just stark red of Nazi Flags and Nazi Blood. As you down whisky and evil the color returns to France. Flogging Molly was also featured in the latest trailer I saw which was good.

Dante’s Inferno – You play as a super badass Pilgrim/Poet with a scythe and a magic projectile shooting cross? Okay it doesn’t follow the epic poem quite so directly, but it should be fun to play. Having watched developer diary videos I am very excited for the game. The level design reflects the sin you are currently fighting through. The enemies you fight are direct representations of the sin as well. Mmm polygonal lust.

I own dead space, I will be saving up for the saboteur and dante’s inferno because EA should be rewarded for still trying hard when they could sit back on Madden. And I should be rewarded by killing nazis and giant cleopatras covered in vaginas (okay the cleopatra made of vaginas was only an early concept that didn’t quite make it)

Anyway lets get down to the point. Today we will be using in depth research and extensive knowledge to determine whether Twilight guy is a vampire or a homosexual.

First the argument for and evidence that he is a vampire:
1. Fourteen year old girls and women with no chance of ever finding a healthy relationship say so.
2. … really? that’s all we have? Just one?

Second, the argument that he is not a vampire:
1. He doesn’t die in the sun
2. He doesn’t drink human blood. Sure he drinks animal blood but so do many pastoralists across the world, hell Germans eat blood sausage.
3. He loves garlic. Alright if you couldn’t tell I never read the books or saw the movie, but I am just following the trend on this one and throwing out a guess

Third, the argument that he is a homosexual:
1. There is an undoubtedly hot woman who loves him and wants to fuck the shit out of him, but he declines. Time and time again he refuses sex with a hot chick.
2. He sparkles in the sun… what? Really? You know what makes people sparkle in the sun? Its glitter. Do you know what two types of people wear glitter? Strippers and drag queens
3. He wants to have sex with men. Clearly if you turn down sex with a woman over and over its cause you like men.

There you have it, Twilight man is not a vampire

Fuck you ESPN

Fuck you Mr. Asian Host Man.

1. The tour de france is not a sport, its a fucking bike race. And bike racing is a sport. That’s like them asking “is the u.s. open a sport?” No its a fucking sporting event, one particular competition in a particular sport.

2. If you don’t think MMA s a sport you’re retarded. Clearly they think boxing is a sport, and boxing is like MMA for people who cant multitask. I hope someone flying knees you in the face Mr. Asian host man.

3. Other things they consider sports:
Bowling – Fuck You
Golf – Fuck you
Nascar – I hop you burn in hell ESPN
Not that I have anything against those sports (except nascar you gas wasting rednecks) but they should be some of the games being examined on that segment. I mean nascar is a less physically demanding type of racing than bike racing

4. ESPN is a sports network and they show competitive eating. If you claim it isnt a sport why is it on your god damn network?

5. I’m sure they’d love to show MMA on their network seeing how its blowing up like an incontinent man after taco bell. The tour de france is being aired on versus. Could this be a petty attempt to discredit the sports that they don’t broadcast cause they’re small insignificant fucks?

6. NASCAR SUCKS.

7. If it wasnt for that fact that they give me material to write about when they piss me off, I would boycott espn.

I was astounded the first time that happened but 5?

This site does not really cater to peanut butter used in sex, but now that 5 people have been lead here by it I wonder if there are real websites for it.

Furthermore I wonder how much traffic those websites get.

I feel less and less like a deviant every time I interact with the internet

This is also there job, and they have dead lines to meet. I would speculate that they would sometimes just powerthrough games.
Most of us play games for fun, as a break from stresses of work, school, and boredom.

On the otherhand I am utterly without flaws, so I have decided to do you all a favor and begin reviewing games. I guess the above statements apply to all reviewers, so maybe I’ll be ambicious and review other things. But for now one step at a time.

Anyway, without further ado, my review of UFC 2009 Undisputed Demo, or UFC2009UD for short.

So right off the bat this game has a major upside. The price is $0, absolutely free. All it takes is a couple of minutes to download it.
The demo only features two modes, a 3 round exhibition and a tutorial. In the demo you only have the choice of two fighters Chuck Liddell and Mauricio Rua, and you cannot engineer such mindblowing matchups such as Rua v Rua no matter how hard you try.

Now this may sound like demo is shallow and you would lose interest but here’s what you do.

Get 3 friends and a handle of cheap gin.

Go through the tutorial once, not everyone has to do them, just make sure they’re watching so that they don’t get dominated due to a lack of understanding of the controls. The controls are pretty deep.
Now begin drinking your gin.
Have a couple of fights to feel out the game.
Continue drinking gin.
Switch up fighters and who you’re playing against.
Refresh your drinks.
Now here’s where the aforementioned “shallowness” becomes a plus. Because there are only two fighters you learn pretty much everything they are capable of. You get comfortable with them, and the fights become more sophisticated and you have to use your head more cause if your friends are semi-intelligent they’ll know whats coming from you as well.
Refresh your drinks
Get rather competitive with friends
Spill a Drink
Begin to believe you can pummel your friends like you did in the game, get your ass kicked. Have a good laugh about it.

The demo kind of sucks without friends because the difficulty is too low.

All in all this demo kicks ass. I am not a fan of traditional ratings so on a scale from Sackboy to Nathan Drake, this demo gets that electric courier guy from infamous. There is no reason not to get it, unless of course you don’t have friends to play with.
The full game has many more modes, and fighters, and shit to do, but I don’t own it so I will not review it

In the last week or so two of these shows popped up, Websoup on G4 and Tosh.0 on comedy central. To be honest if you were watching one of these with your parents and switched to the other when they werent looking they probably wouldn’t notice the difference. However there are many differences and I’ll show you.

First lets start with the hosts. G4 used went with chris hardwick, a guy who already worked on their channel and did a good job. It doesn’t hurt that he is a techy version of Joel McHale. If you like McHale on the soup, then you will like Chris Hardwick on Web Soup.

Comedy central went with Daniel Tosh, a comedian who may have the best comedy central presents in the history of comedy central presents. I have to give it to tosh when it comes to who is funnier, but he and hardwick have very different styles on the show.

Content of the shows: You’re going to see many of the same videos. Just like if you go from youtube to break to ebaums to collegehumor, you’re going to see the same videos. However Tosh will show you a video like the elephant eating from the other elephants ass and insinuate that you’re a deviant that wants to see more fucked up shit and tell you to go to the shows website. Hardwick showed that exact same video, acted like it was disgusting and used a nom nom nom hamster/bunny video immediately after as a “pallate cleanser.”

Tosh goes the extra mile though. Where Web Soup only shows and mocks the videos, Tosh has a variety of other features. One such draw is web redemption where he goes out and finds the people famous for looking like fucking idiots on the internet and giving them a second chance. The first episode he met up with the Afro Ninja, interviewed him, and gave him a second chance to do his backflip.

Tosh also tries some of the shit you see in the videos that make people look like dumbasses. He tried to combine the cinnamon challenge, with the 6 saltines challenge, with the breaking 10 coconuts challenge on his show, and it was hilarious watching him almost vomit.

All in all Tosh.o is a better show in my opinion. However Web Soup is still worth watching. I find it interesting to see how the two differ on how they attack a video. Also if you are going to be watching one of these with a chick, go with websoup its got at least 100% more cute videos than tosh.o

Watch em both, or don’t. I don’t give a fuck.
But you better fucking read my blog even though I only update it like once a month anymore